You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
