my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
one two three fourrrrnication!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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