he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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