Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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