I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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