I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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