his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
