i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Farmville is her only friend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
