Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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