I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
