It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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