So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
