So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
