You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
