Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
