He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
