from now on my penis is your penis
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
