why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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