He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
