He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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