Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
