chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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