I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
