I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
