I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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