What did we do last night that was yellow?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
