I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
