i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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