The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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