I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
