i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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