Your face is a jimmy john
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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