Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
