some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
