If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
