i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
