my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
