Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As shirtless as possible
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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