its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found puke in my bra..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
