Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
