i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
