something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
