Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
