I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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