What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
