dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
