Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
