So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
