That's intense
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
