I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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