I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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