That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
