I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
