i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
