You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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