If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
