A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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